Gwendolyn's Birth Story, the perfect finale

Gwendolyn is officially six months old today, so it seems fitting that I finally get around to writing about her birth. I'm obviously not great at keeping things up to date on this blog, but it does serve as a solid location for documenting my thoughts. 

Gwendolyn Kate was born on April 10, 2023 at 3:25 am weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces, and measuring 20 inches. She was almost identical in size to her big sister, Daphne. 

You may remember that Graham's birth was a c-section due to him being breech with the cord around his neck. This meant that my entire pregnancy with Gwendolyn was spent wondering if I would be having a repeat c-section or a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). The doctors I spoke with throughout my pregnancy were all very positive that a vaginal birth was possible. I had proven myself perfectly capable of delivering vaginally previously with Dalton and Daphne's births. Ultimately, I decided I would schedule the c-section for 39 weeks with the plan to wait and see. 

During my 38-week appointment, the doctor and I decided to put an induction on the calendar for exactly 39 weeks. The hospital I delivered at is fairly busy and typically inductions get bumped, so we also decided to leave the c-section date (scheduled for 39 +2) just in case. Ryan's aunt was going to be in town to help with the kids while we were at the hospital and it was critical that we get this baby out in order to maximize our help! I had read plenty of information over the last two years about the risks of a VBAC and felt comfortable trying regardless based on my history. However, I was also comfortable with a c-section if that is what needed to happen. Ultimately, I decided to put everything in God's hands and see what this baby wants to do. 

Ryan's aunt arrived late Saturday night. Sunday morning was Easter which we had celebrated the weekend prior, just in case. Dalton and Daphne were going to be singing during our Sacrament service that morning and I wanted to attend. That morning, April 9, my only goal was to survive the church meeting. I wasn't having any contractions, so it seemed like an achievable goal. After church, I decided I was going to attempt to "walk" the baby out. We officially had someone in our home to care for our children while we were away, so anything was possible! My induction was scheduled for the following evening, but I'm impatient... 

While walking around our neighborhood, I felt a small trickle of water. I didn't think much of it, and after about 45 minutes of walking we came home to take a nap. I figured some sleep would be ideal if I was potentially going to be in labor. Spoiler alert. I never got my nap. While lying down, I felt another trickle of water... I decided to call my sister for a second opinion. I refused to be sent home from the hospital if it wasn't anything and I wasn't having any contractions. My sister was in medical school and had a strong interest in OBGYN, thus making her the perfect consultant. We decided that I should take a nap, spend the day with the kids, put them to bed, and then go get things checked out. A few hours of a slow leak, if it even was that, wasn't going to hurt anyone. I was about to hang up the phone to tell Ryan the plan when I felt a huge gush of water.

Never mind! Baby girl was ready to come, and I was grateful she was working towards coming on her own. Ryan and I packed up our things, said goodbye to the big kids, and headed to the hospital. Upon arriving at triage, it was determined that my water had broken. I still wasn't having any contractions, but they decided that I could be induced with a Foley bulb. This is one of the safe ways you can induce someone who has had a prior c-section. Labor can be fairly dangerous due to previous scarring on the uterus, so I had to be monitored pretty closely during the whole process. The doctor told me that the Foley bulb could take a few hours to fall out, but they were hopeful that it would be successful in jump starting the labor process. I was also told I could get an epidural immediately if I wanted one. An epidural was literally the only thing on my birth plan, so I said "YES!" to the opportunity. I was still traumatized from my unplanned epidural-free birth with Daphne, and didn't want to repeat that experience.

The Foley bulb fell out after 45 minutes, which is apparently record speed. The doctor and labor nurse were shocked. The doctor started me on a small dose of Pitocin. This was increased every 30-45 minutes until I was in active labor. I was slowly dilating during this time. Around 2:45 am, I began to feel felt extremely uncomfortable and felt like the epidural wasn't doing much to take away the pain. The nurse came into check and it was officially time to push. After approximately 20 minutes, a handful of pushes, and an episiotomy - Gwendolyn entered the world! (I consented to an episiotomy without an hesitation. I had scar tissue from Daphne's birth that was preventing Gwendolyn's exit.)

Later that day, we announced Gwendolyn's birth on social media as our new baby "Unicorn Lemon". This was a long running joke throughout my pregnancy. As soon as we found out she was a girl, we asked the kids what to name her. Dalton and Daphne decided together that Unicorn Lemon was the best name for her. Daphne was so convinced that Unicorn Lemon should be her name. She would get angry with anyone who told her otherwise. After posting online, I had several friends and family members receive concerned calls and messages that we named our baby such a strange name. It was a little alarming how many people believed the joke since our other children have fairly normal names. I let this joke go for about 24 hours before letting everyone know her real name. 

Unicorn Lemon was probably my easiest delivery of the bunch! Everything went exactly the way I had hoped it would go, and recovery was a breeze. She's a super easy baby. I think she knows she's a fourth child and has to be. Gwendolyn is almost always happy, and her siblings adore her. After four pregnancies with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, I'm happy to announce that the pregnancy chapter of my life is done. We officially feel like we have a complete family, and it feels soo good! 

Graham's Birth Story, a little late

I'm nearly 7 months late writing this post, but I guess better late than never. If I'm being honest, Graham's birth and recovery were both very different from my previous two experiences... That, coupled with a worldwide pandemic that appears to be never-ending, a cross-country move, and adjusting to life as a mom of three has occupied a ton of my time.  

Right around 35 weeks I began attending bi-weekly monitoring appointments with the Maternal-Fetal Medicine doctor. I had been having some issues with my blood pressure off and on, and my doctor wanted to keep a closer eye on things as we headed towards the end of my pregnancy. Graham's pregnancy was by far my toughest pregnancy to date requiring 3 prescription medications around the clock to keep from vomiting all day, two iron infusions, and a trip or two for IV fluids... And now I was being monitored twice a week, along with my weekly trip to the OB's office... 

During my 36 week monitoring appointment, the nurse noticed that Graham was breech. This wasn't a huge deal just yet because he had plenty of time to flip around, but she definitely wanted me to pay attention to it. I came home and immediately googled everything there was to know about breech babies. I reached out to "mom" groups seeking advice on how to flip a breech baby and looking for reassuring stories. I prayed nightly for things to change. I laid upside on an ironing board every single day in hopes of a miracle. I was determined to not have a c-section. (I had no issue with other people who had that experience, but it was completely foreign to me and I was scared.) One night I asked Ryan to give me a priesthood blessing. I knew in my heart after that blessing that Graham was going to be c-section baby and jokingly told Ryan to try again. (P.S. I know that's not how it all works...)

I continued to attend my monitoring appointments and regular third trimester OB appointments for the next few weeks. During this time, Graham was all over the place. Sometimes he was breech, sometimes he was head down, and sometimes he was transverse. The doctor was convinced that he would flip before delivery with all of this movement. I wasn't so sure, but I was trying to be hopeful. 

Finally my 39 week appointment rolled around, and Graham was still considered breech. The doctor told me we officially needed to make some kind of plan to get this baby out safely. I wasn't showing any signs of early labor, and she wasn't worried about me having another precipitous labor because of his positioning. That day she told me I had two options. She could attempt an External Cephalic Version and immediately induce if she's successful, or we could schedule a c-section. I asked her what her "gut" was telling her to do, and she told that she felt strongly that Graham should be a c-section baby. My doctor said she wasn't sure why she felt this way and didn't normally recommend c-sections. She said she was pretty sure she would know why she felt that way once Graham was delivered. However, she told me it was ultimately my choice and I could take some time to think about how I wanted to proceed. During this appointment, I remembered the words from Ryan's blessing (the one I didn't like) that said the doctor would know the best course of action to keep the baby and I safe. I immediately told her I didn't need to think it through. If she thought a c-section was best, then I would trust her expertise and schedule one. 

I left that Monday appointment and headed straight to the hospital for a covid test. I was scheduled for surgery two days later. On Wednesday, March 31 at 8 am I walked into the hospital with my hair and makeup done after a full night of sleep. I had a packed bag for the hospital with everything I could need, and a little more. It was kind of a surreal experience in some ways. I didn't feel like I was having a baby that day at all. After some bloodwork and a quick ultrasound to confirm he was still breech, I was taken back for surgery. They took me into the operating room first to prep and administer the spinal anesthesia. Ryan had to wait alone for about 30 minutes before they brought him into the operating room. The anesthesiologist that day is probably one of the best doctors I've ever met. He recognized that I was nervous and walked me through every single step of the operation, and made sure I understood what was happening and how I was going to feel. 

Graham Michael was born at 10:31 am that day. He had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice, confirming that the decision to deliver him by c-section was the correct choice. The odds are fairly good that had I chosen to proceed with the ECV and deliver him vaginally, he would have gone into distress and I would have ended up in an emergency c-section. I know the doctor was truly inspired and I am grateful to Heavenly Father for helping Graham enter the world safely. Ryan was the first person to hold him. He held Graham while I was stitched back up. I was feeling a little "off" during the procedure and wasn't ready to hold my new fragile baby just yet. 

I am apparently on a mission to collect birth experiences. I can officially check off epidural, "natural" and c-section. C-sections are no joke, and any mama who delivers that way deserves the biggest trophy! I think we often forget how major this surgery really is... and you're still expected to take care of a human afterwards. I am allergic to pretty much all the good pain medications, so that made my recovery a little challenging. It definitely took a few weeks to feel like I could move normally again, and I can honestly say that seven months later I still don't feel 100% recovered. We had lots of help from family after Graham came home, and it was much needed! 

Graham has been a little different from his big brother and big sister. He hates bottles. He hates pacifiers. He hates formula. Graham is only into breastmilk straight from the tap, and that's been tough for me. Graham is the sweetest, happiest little guy who adores all of us. We all are pretty obsessed with him, too. 

Chemical Pregnancy: My Story

This week has been an emotional whirlwind for me (and Ryan too). I have felt some really high highs and really low lows... I think I've officially hit emotional exhaustion. I know some people may feel like this story is too personal, and that's true... It is definitely a personal story, but I feel like it is an important one to share. Writing is also very therapeutic for me. I know the topic of miscarriage is "taboo" to some, but I still think every life is worth recognizing. My hope is that I can provide support to someone else in need by sharing my story.

Exactly a week ago I threw up my dinner after feeling nauseous all evening. I thought it was kind of odd, realized my period was due that day and decided to take a pregnancy test. I got a super faint positive line. Immediately I thought I was seeing things and decided I should try again the next morning, just to be sure... I mean Daphne is only 7 months old and I was definitely not ready for a third baby just yet. Thursday morning another positive line appeared. This time it was a little darker.

I was shocked. I couldn't handle three kids three and under. I wasn't ready to be throwing up nonstop for the next nine months while also breastfeeding my baby. Where was this little one going to fit in our tiny apartment and how were we going to pay for everything? We definitely were not trying for a third baby. I cried and laughed and cried and laughed pretty much all day on Thursday.

I spent Friday plotting logistics of how this was all going to work. I jokingly sent Ryan a list of all the "Da___" boy and girl names I could find on the internet. I complained about how I was going to have to rethink all of the plans we had made for our upcoming trip to Hawaii. I started researching how to switch Daphne from breastmilk to formula since she wasn't a fan of the new flavor. (This was another early pregnancy sign I had before I took a test...) I pulled out my bottle of Zofran from my previous pregnancy because nausea had hit me full force. I was going to write about how to handle an unexpected pregnancy and all the feels that come with it.

Saturday morning I decided to take another test. I wanted to see if the line had gotten darker and more distinguished after a few days, just like it had with previous pregnancies. This time the test was negative. I thought it was odd, but decided not to worry too much about it. I decided maybe the test was faulty. I was out of tests and would just test again after I purchased more. A few hours later I started bleeding. The bleeding started out fairly light... I consulted Doctor Google and decided this meant two things: implantation bleeding or chemical pregnancy. A chemical pregnancy is an early miscarriage that happens before a pregnancy can be detected by ultrasound. They are fairly common and often go undiagnosed.

Saturday night the bleeding had picked up, and I was fairly confident I was dealing with a chemical pregnancy. (I still threw up my dinner on Saturday night. Thanks hormones!) Sunday morning I took another test and got another negative. On Sunday evening, nausea had completely left and Daphne was no longer rejecting my breastmilk. I left a message with my doctor's office explaining my situation.

I was told Monday morning that my storyline definitely sounds like a chemical pregnancy, but only bloodwork could determine what had exactly happened. I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or to grieve at this point. Both feelings seemed appropriate. This baby was certainly unexpected, but it definitely wasn't unwanted or unloved. I have to continue to remind myself that Heavenly Father gives us trials in our lives to make us stronger. I have definitely relied on prayer over the past week to help me understand why this experience was happening to me. I have faith that I will once again be reunited with my little one, and that's what I am holding onto during this tough time.

I have learned that miscarriage, including early pregnancy loss, leaves you with all the feels. You feel shock, anger, sadness, and confusion. You feel alone and isolated, even if others are reaching out to support you. This chemical pregnancy has made me feel crazy and misunderstood. I definitely couldn't have survived this whirlwind week without the sweet friends in my life giving me support, validation, and sharing experiences. Thank you. xoxo.